I sometimes wonder why I was put here on this planet in this form. I'm not a popular person, I don't really stand out a lot, and I'm normal to all appearances. I've read somewhere that if you have six good friends when you die, you've lead a good life. When my friend Joe died earlier, the church was standing room only between friends and their families. I sometimes wonder how full a church would be if I were dead.

My work performance is about average. Sure, I'd be missed if I were gone, but life would go on for them.

My friends? I'm not certain. You have to wonder just how well you know your friends. I'm sure that I'd shock the holy hell out of most of my friends with the Therianthrope thing. I've kept it mostly a secret, except to the people on Live Journal.

My other friends that I've met through the church, I'm not certain at all about. One friend is genuinely sincere about being friend with me, but I'm not certain what would happen if I let on. I suppose I should maybe say something about it, but I'm afraid of what might happen. My mother is cool about the drawings I've done, and I privately suspect that she knows, and does not care. She is, after all, my mother. My co-workers I do not think would understand, but then again, they might. I've got some really odd co-workers at my place. I often find myself wondering, what the hell am I doing behind a fucking keyboard on a wonderful night like this, and then I answer myself that I'm too timid to go and randomly hit a bar or other night scene. I find it easier, and safer to just home, read the same stuff on the web that I've already read, and do NOTHING. It's times like this that I find myself crying afterward.

For those that got here by my Livejournal link, do not worry. I'm not going to kill myself. I know that My death would affect far too many people that I know and love. It would cause more problems then it would solve.